Jesus is Not All Right with Me

by Stephen J. Lyons

The newly elected capo was rightly offended by the Inaugural Day sermon. “She was nasty in tone, and not compelling or smart.” His consiglieri was horribly aggrieved. “The person giving this sermon should be added to the deportation list,” bellowed Rep. Mike Collins (R-GA). Social media accounts buzzed with algorithm outrage. Loyal associate, devout Christian and interim Speaker of the House, Mike Johnson, posted his anger on X:

“Bishop Budde hijacked the National Prayer Service to promote her radical ideology. This was an opportunity to unify the country in prayer, but she used it to sow division. Even worse, she’s continued her political crusade in media interviews. Shameful.”

The Right Leftist Reverend Mariann Edgar Budde’s radical ideology? Advocating mercy at a time like this when four years of the previous administration has devastated our nation with all-gender bathrooms and five-dollar eggs.

How revoltingly faux Christian of her. And during a national prayer service! On Liberation Day! Further proof of her disloyalty: she did not even read from a Trump-sponsored Bible ($59.99, many copies still available).

How dare she say the following in front of the Don and his beautiful family: “Have mercy, Mr. President, on those in our communities whose children fear that their parents will be taken away. Help those who are fleeing war zones and persecution in their own lands to find compassion and welcome here. Our God teaches us that we are to be merciful to the stranger, for we were once strangers in this land.

“May God grant us all the strength and courage to honor the dignity of every human being, speak the truth in love, and walk humbly with one another and our God, for the good of all the people of this nation and the world.”

Jesus! Doesn’t the bishop know that all that “love thy neighbor” crap went out in the 1960s along with the long-haired hippie guitar plucking hacky sack playing Kumbaya singing Universal Life Church ministers?

And who, but the Deep State coastal libs, would quote Leviticus 19:34: “The alien who resides with you shall be to you as the citizen among you; you shall love the alien as yourself, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God.”

What nonsense. Besides, duh, it’s not migrants from Egypt that are spilling over our southern border in numbers not seen since Ellis Island was a thing, bringing drugs, diseases, mental illness and diluting our gene pool. No, it’s those brown-skinned criminals from those shit-hole countries taking away our summer roofing jobs in Phoenix and the high-turnover meat cutter positions in Nebraska. No wonder my depressed 35-year-old son won’t leave his room. He feels hopeless about his prospects. Or at least that’s what he says when he asks for my AmEx card and car keys.

But let us return our attention to that very nasty woman Budde. This part of her sermon tirade really raised some eyebrows, “They [illegal aliens] may not be citizens or have the proper documentation. But the vast majority of immigrants are not criminals. They pay taxes and are good neighbors. They are faithful members of our churches and mosques, synagogues and temples.”

MOSQUES?!

Thank God, our fearless leader, whom that same God saved from assassination (a miracle!) to make America great again is ignoring Budde’s wicked wokefulness about mercy or whatever p.c. nonsense she spouted. No, the way you treat those immigrants invading our country is with an iron fist, even in the face of libtard criticism and crybaby whining.

In a recent flight from the U.S. to Brazil to dump 88 losers back on their home soil, officials there had the nerve to complain about, according to their Justice Minister Ricardo Lewandowski (absolutely no relation to the great Corey),  “the flagrant disregard for the fundamental rights of Brazilian citizens.”

The deportees criminal aliens were handcuffed with their ankles shackled, denied water and bathroom breaks on their flight to Manaus, Brazil, from the United States. Some weak souls supposedly fainted not to mention some with autism were “traumatized.”

Well, cry me a river, amigos. What did you expect? An upgrade, an amenity kit and a welcome drink? You received a free flight—a month before Carnival!—and none of you devils had the decency to thank Him, our spiritual leader, our forever president, our retribution.

For the Truth let us turn to His Holiness’ favorite preacher Kid Rock, who wrote “Early Mornin’ Stoned Pimp,” “Rock N Roll Jesus”  and the classic “Blow Me.”

“You don’t need a Bible
Get up and dance
I’m gonna set you free yeah
Testify
It’s all sex, drugs, rock’n’roll
A soul sensation that you can’t control
And you can see I practice what I preach
I’m your rock-and-roll Jesus”

Amen brother Kid. Amen.

Stephen J. Lyons is the author of six books of reportage and essays, including “Going Driftless, Life Lessons from the Heartland for Unraveling Times.”