In a stunning announcement at Monday evening’s White House press briefing, President Trump stated that the Coronavirus Task Force will not be disbanded, as previously suggested, but will instead pivot to focus on eradicating murder hornets from the U.S.

According to Trump, although both the coronavirus and murder hornets were “sent from Chinese labs” to frighten oversensitive liberal Americans, murder hornets are “way bigger” than viruses and therefore easier to fight. He speculated that perhaps we could “band” the hornets as we have banded endangered birds such as spotted owls, reasoning, “I mean, I don’t know, it seems to be working, because they’re almost extinct.” He then glanced to the aides behind him, asking, “Is that right? Are they extinct yet?” Mike Pence then abruptly stepped up to the podium to clarify that, while extinction was not the goal of banding the owls, it was certainly worth “exploring the parallels.”

When CNN’s Kaitlan Collins questioned the timing of this shift, suggesting that the virus is still a greater threat to American citizens than murder hornets are, Trump appeared irate and challenged Collins to explain how that could be true when murder hornets have giant stingers while we can’t even see the coronavirus.

As Collins attempted a follow-up, Trump went on to explain that the White House was already in the process of procuring “many, many praying mantises,” which are known to kill murder hornets. Trump claimed that “these beautiful mantises — they’re beautiful creatures, just beautiful” could kill and eat the murder hornets, making them “simply disappear, like magic. I’m told that the mantis is like Kryptonite to the murder hornet.” He went on to assure the American public that “anyone who needs a praying mantis can get one.”

Mike Pence again briefly took the stand to clarify that the logistics of distributing praying mantises had not yet been fully worked out, but that he did want to take this opportunity to note that “praying works. It works in the church, in works in the family, and it works when mantises want to eat the brains of murder hornets.” Mike Lindell, CEO of MyPillow, later concurred, praising Pence for having the courage to “speak truth to power about the importance of Christianity during this time of crisis in America when secular living has brought forth plagues and locusts.”

When NBC’s Peter Alexander attempted to return to a discussion of how praying mantises might be deployed to fight murder hornets, Trump suggested that, just as they did with the coronavirus, heroes from the private sector would step up to lend a hand.

Trump referred to when New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft provided the team plane to deliver PPE and suggested that “maybe we can get that plane again to bring mantises to the people who need them.” In response to murmurs of doubt from attendees, Trump said, “Hey, I’m not a scientist or a pilot or a murder hornet expert, but I have common sense. Murder hornets fly, but planes fly faster. We use the plane to fly the mantises to the people before the murder hornets get to them and we have the problem, the whole terrible problem, contained. We’ve thought of everything, and it’s a great, perfect plan. Everything about it is perfect.”

Alexander opted not to interrogate that response and instead challenged the president to explain where he planned to get the required number of praying mantises. Trump again praised the ongoing contributions of corporate America, noting that either the MyPillow guy or clothing manufacturer American Giant could manufacture them.

As an aide whispered something to Trump about how we don’t yet have the capacity to make praying mantises, Alexander, seemingly at a loss for words, stood up and walked out of the garden. He was seen later that night stumbling out of Old Ebbitt Grill and could not be reached for comment.

In a rare showing at a White House press conference, White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany then took the podium to go over initial protocol for the Task Force’s new mission. While Trump, Pence, and others have eschewed wearing masks, McEnany reported that all members of the Force are on board with wearing beekeeper suits, which are not only appropriate to the mission but, according to Donald Trump Jr., “badass-looking.” The one exception to this protocol will be Dr. Deborah Birx, who will be protected from murder hornets by one of her giant scarves.

When reporters pressed for more information about potential treatment for murder hornet stings, Trump stated he is working with trade adviser Peter Navarro, who is working with both Rudy Giuliani and Dr. Oz, to bring one hundred million doses of the malaria drug hydroxychloroquine to the U.S.

ABC’s Jonathan Karl, with his trademark smirk, asked Trump if hydroxychloroquine has been tested at all against murder hornet stings or if it’s just his go-to drug. Trump accused Karl of treason but was quickly shuffled to the side by Pence once again, who explained with a straight face that since hydroxychloroquine works for malaria, which is transmitted by mosquitoes, there is reason to believe it will work for murder hornet stings, as murder hornets are also a flying insect.

“Wait, what?” Dr. Anthony Fauci was heard to say from off-camera.

Jennie Young writes, teaches writing, and directs the Writing Foundations program at University of Wisconsin-Green Bay. Her work can be seen in McSweeney’s, Slackjaw, HuffPost, InsiderHigherEd, and elsewhere. Follow her on Medium at https://medium.com/@jennieyoung.