From: Paul Malarkey
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2019 9:16 AM
To: Oakdale PTA email list
Subject: Volunteers Needed

Dear Friends:

I am writing to seek your assistance in revitalizing our organization, the Oakdale Middle School PTA. Although we have some 700 people on our email mailing list, we currently have no governing board and we have not had a meeting since March 2011. If you would like to help revive this vital group and serve on our board, please send me an email.

Best wishes,

Paul Malarkey

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From: Johnson, Clarissa
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2019 9:17 AM
To: Malarkey, Paul; Oakdale PTA email list
Subject: Volunteers Needed

I will be out of the office, on vacation, from 1 January till 15 May, 2019 while on a Backroads bike tour of Vietnam and Cambodia. I will respond upon my return.

Cheers,

Clarissa Johnson

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From: Wallingford, Reggie
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2019 9:17 AM
To: Johnson, Clarissa; Malarkey, Paul; Oakdale PTA email list
Subject: Volunteers Needed

Dear Paul,

It’s great to hear from you. Thanks for reaching out. Even though I recently finished serving two terms as Chairperson of the Board of Trustees of the Potty Time Pre-School Mommy and Daddy Association, and swore I would never do it again, it’s hard to say no to an old friend. So, count me in for the Middle School PTA’s governing board.

Best,

Reggie

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From: Patel, Anaya
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2019 9:18 AM
To: Wallingford, Reggie; Johnson, Clarissa; Malarkey, Paul; Oakdale PTA email list
Subject: Volunteers Needed

I am not able to serve in this capacity, but I want to say that I am very upset that my son, Vikram, has not started a single soccer game since the beginning of the season, and I think that Coach Boudreaux has it out for him. Vik has attended every practice and frequently kicks the ball around with his dad on the weekends and I just don’t get why Vanessa Miller’s kid gets to play and Vik just sits on the bench.

A. Patel

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From: Kaplan, Melissa

Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2019 10:30 AM
To: Patel, Anaya; Wallingford, Reggie; Johnson, Clarissa; Malarkey, Paul; Oakdale PTA email list
Subject: Volunteers Needed

Dear Paul,

Thanks for reaching out about the PTA board. Despite my years of experience in high-level community organizing, most recently at PIRG’s Oakdale-area office, I must regrettably pass on your kind invitation. I am so busy working on my new podcast (Mondays with Melissa) and preparing the 4th edition of my handbook on community organizing (Community Organizing the Melissa Way) that it would be well-nigh irresponsible of me to take on yet another task. I’m sure you will understand.

Kind regards,

Melissa

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From: Brown, Michael
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2019 11:14 AM
To: Kaplan, Melissa; Patel, Anaya; Wallingford, Reggie; Johnson, Clarissa; Malarkey, Paul; Oakdale PTA
email list
Subject: Volunteers Needed

PLEASE STOP HITTING “REPLY ALL”!

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From: Chen, Malory
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2019 11:15 AM
To: Brown, Michael, Kaplan, Melissa; Patel, Anaya; Wallingford, Reggie; Johnson, Clarissa; Malarkey, Paul; Oakdale PTA email list
Subject: Volunteers Needed

Dear Paul, my old friend,

So nice to hear from you after such a long time. How is your lovely wife, Beth, and your twins, Sally and Larry? Beverly and I and the hounds, Yin and Yang, are all well. Our century-old lake house in the Berkshires is bleeding us dry with repair costs, of course, but it’s worth it to be so close to Tanglewood. Please do let us know when you are up in our neck of the proverbial woods and we will have you over for Evian and roasted almonds.

Xo

Malory

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From: Strong, Jack
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2019 1:13 PM
To: Chen, Malory; Brown, Michael; Kaplan, Melissa; Patel, Anaya; Wallingford, Reggie; Johnson, Clarissa; Malarkey, Paul; Oakdale PTA email list
Subject: Volunteers Needed

STOP HITTING REPLY ALL! I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR FRIGGIN LAKE HOUSE. I COULDN’T GIVE A FIG THAT YOU ARE BIKING IN VIETNAM. I DON’T GIVE A DAMN THAT YOU ARE WORKING ON YOUR LOUSY PODCAST.

Jack Strong

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From: Cepeda, Raul
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2019 1:14 PM
To: Strong, Jack; Chen, Malory; Brown, Michael; Kaplan, Melissa; Patel, Anaya; Wallingford, Reggie; Johnson, Clarissa; Malarkey, Paul; Oakdale PTA email list
Subject: Volunteers Needed

AH, SO IT’S OKAY TO HIT “REPLY ALL” IF YOU WANT TO CRITICIZE PEOPLE FOR USING “REPLY ALL,” BUT OTHERWISE NOT? YOU SNIVELING HYPOCRITE.

RC

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From: Oliphant, Sarah
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2019 3:01 PM
To: Cepeda, Raul; Strong, Jack; Chen, Malory; Brown, Michael; Kaplan, Melissa; Patel, Anaya; Wallingford, Reggie; Johnson, Clarissa; Malarkey, Paul; Oakdale PTA email list
Subject: Volunteers Needed

Thanks to Paul for initiating this fascinating email chain. It has been so interesting to hear about what our fellow Oakdalers are up to – taking amazing vacations, creating wonderful podcasts, and serving the needs of our pre-school population. It is one of the great privileges of my life to be associated with all of you. Unfortunately, I’m too busy at present to serve on the governing board, owing to semi-weekly chemotherapy treatments for my metastasizing bone cancer.

Warmest wishes,

Sarah

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From: Brown, Michael
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2019 4:15 PM
To: Oliphant, Sarah; Cepeda, Raul; Strong, Jack; Chen, Malory; Brown, Michael; Kaplan, Melissa; Patel, Anaya; Wallingford, Reggie; Johnson, Clarissa; Malarkey, Paul; Oakdale PTA email list
Subject: Volunteers Needed

IF I GET ONE MORE “REPLY ALL” BLOODY EMAIL ABOUT THIS GROUP, I AM GOING TO REACH INTO THE INTERNET AND THROUGH YOUR GODDAMN COMPUTER SCREEN AND TEAR THE ESOPHAGUS OUT OF YOUR NECK.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

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From: Sienna, Laura
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2019 6:27 PM
To: Brown, Michael; Oliphant, Sarah; Cepeda, Raul; Strong, Jack; Chen, Malory; Brown, Michael; Kaplan, Melissa; Patel, Anaya; Wallingford, Reggie; Johnson, Clarissa; Malarkey, Paul; Oakdale PTA email list
Subject: Volunteers Needed

Paul, darling. I’ve been in such a tizzy today, so many emotions rolling around in my head, so many emails to respond to that I didn’t even have a chance to read what you wrote before replying. I just wanted to say that last night was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. How it will all end, I don’t know. Are you ready to leave Beth? Do I have the courage to give Kevin the heave-ho? Whatever happens, I will never forget what it felt like to be in your arms in the back of your Range Rover.

I love you.

L

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From: Malarkey, Paul

Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2019 6:28 PM
To: Sienna, Laura; Brown, Michael; Oliphant, Sarah; Cepeda, Raul; Strong, Jack; Chen, Malory; Brown, Michael; Kaplan, Melissa; Patel, Anaya; Wallingford, Reggie; Johnson, Clarissa; Malarkey, Paul; Oakdale PTA email list

Subject: Volunteers Needed

Following up on my previous email looking for volunteers, may I ask you to reply directly to me regarding your interest in serving on the Oakdale PTA Board. No need to hit reply all.

😊 Paul