After experience with Basic Travlish, everyone knows a “cozy” hotel room is big enough for a pair of leprechauns; that a “centrally located” establishment is right across from the train station and mere meters away from the city’s fabled bell tower. Tourism brochures are written in code, telling the world about breathtaking panoramas only visible from hilltops.  Travlish has virtually no pejorative adjectives, so there’s no way to mention that “verdant” and “lush” landscapes are frequently rained upon. Though travel agents are fluent in the language, the purest form is found in guidebooks and magazine articles. That’s why “historic” inns are often uncomfortable, and “contemporary” may indicate a structure completed in the 1950’s. Even an alluring word like “breezy” might not be wished for by golfers, tennis players, skiers or beach lovers. In the height of summer, a breezy location often compensates for the lack of air conditioning, but not always.

“Renowned”, “celebrated” and “legendary” sites sound wonderful, drawing busloads of tourists before, after and during one’s own visit. Those words are euphemisms for crowded, just as “an oasis of peace” can be translated to mean there’s no one else there.

“Secluded” is a reminder to pack that unfinished copy of War and Peace. ”Bucolic”, especially in the same paragraph with secluded, could indicate isolation and no chance at all for Wi-Fi or cell phone reception. Travel writer’s favorites frequently include “spellbinding” and “enchanting”, words that originally meant incapacitating, while awe-inspiring” began life simply as terrifying.  If the traveler plans to spend much time in awe-inspiring territory, a four-wheel drive is necessary. Awe-inspiring sights can seldom be seen from the turnpike, the Autobahn or La Strada.

Have a second look at “gracious”, “authentic” and “traditional”, often applied to accommodations. Sometimes it means sherry around the fireplace with congenial guests, but once in a while it’s a synonym for shabby. Occasionally, these descriptions can translate to “less is more”. Be wary of hotels that promise a warm welcome. They could be empty, like those that find themselves under new management, a hint there might be bankruptcy in their history.

“Premier season” can be a high-risk adventure with not everything working perfectly or yet installed. The plaster may not be dry or the pool filled. Waiting to check-in until the second season is usually entirely satisfactory, with every promise kept.

In general, it’s good to look carefully at all words beginning with the prefix “un”, like untouched, unpretentious, or unchanged, and even unforgettable. There’s nothing wrong with a few modern conveniences and tasteful remodeling, especially if the accommodations were once “former” something else, like inns that were ancient monasteries or convents. Nuns and monks had no need for king-sized beds or spacious closets. A narrow cot and a single hook suited them perfectly. Sometimes, in the more liberal orders, there was space for a candle stand or a kneeler.

Cross-ventilation wasn’t a consideration, and windows could be just narrow slits in the wall. That discouraged idle gazing at the view beyond. As a result, some travelers might need two rooms. After all, they were once called cells. The original residents got all their fresh air and exercise during their seven daily walks to and from chapel.  Protected by national trusts, former monasteries and convents can be restored, but not structurally changed.

“Pristine”? By all means go there! The visitor will be a decade ahead of the tourist rush. There won’t be convention facilities with audio-visual equipment and room for 200 conventioneers. Chances are the place isn’t in “the heart of a bustling city”.  If a location is truly pristine, it probably hasn’t had time to be “recently updated” and won’t have hermetically sealed windows. Visitors may actually find themselves in the last “corner of paradise”, far away from the nearest art colony with hand-painted T-shirts and sea-shell picture frames; a place that has never held an international film festival. You could have a whole Trumpless week.