We would lose Roe because a president who boasted of sexual assault, elected against the wishes of the majority of female voters, was able to give a lifetime Supreme Court appointment to an ex-frat boy credibly accused of attempted rape. Kavanaugh, helped by an all-male Republican caucus on the Judiciary Committee, would join Clarence Thomas, whose confirmation hearing helped make the phrase ‘sexual harassment’ a household term. They and three other men would likely vote against the court’s three women. The brute imposition of patriarchy would be undeniable.
–Michelle Goldberg, “Boys Will Be Supreme Court Justices,” New York Times, September 17, 2018. 

Professor Sondra Lear, a feminist science fiction scholar par excellence, was sitting on her sofa bemoaning the fact that Dr. Christine Blasey Ford had instantaneously become the new Professor Anita Hill. She suddenly saw a plethora of sparkling circles which resembled a firefly swarm. A woman who resembled Queen Victoria in her later years materialized in front of Sondra’s feminist theory bookshelf. Clad in a pale blue polyester pantsuit, she looked like a garden variety short plump elderly woman—with the exception that her skin was green.

“Why has a little green woman appeared in my living room?”  Sondra calmly inquired.

“I am Myra. I come from the separatist feminist utopian planet Menopause. Due to your feminist science fiction expertise, you are the most appropriate humanoid to cope with my arrival in New York, America, Earth. It has come to Menopausians’ attention that American woman are facing a misogynistic emergency. We cannot believe that a pussy grabbing president and two male sexual assaulter Supreme Court justices are poised to rescind women’s right to abortion. We were appalled by the pubic hair and the Coke can testimony Professor Anita Hill coped with. Menopausians live on the average of five hundred Earth years; we cannot fathom that after more than twenty-five years some of the same sexist guys still sit on the Senate Judiciary Committee. Dr.  Blasey Ford’s situation is worse than what Professor Hill endured. Clarence Thomas never touched her.  Brett Kavanaugh sexually assaulted Dr. Blasey Ford. I have come to Earth to move the discourse beyond she said/he said dynamics. Menopausian advanced technology can provide unimpeachable evidence of the truth.”

“Is Trump unimpeachable?”

“One thing at a time. My mission involves Kavanaugh, not Trump. Let me continue. Menopausians routinely use time machines.  We can project the sexual assault on a screen for all to see.”

“Wonderful. Welcome to Earth. The situation is dire to the extent that only a feminist extraterrestrial can save American women. I will write a letter to Senator Diane Feinstein which states that feminist extraterrestrial help is on the way.” Sondra drafted the letter, shared it with Myra, and sent it. The letter read as follows: “Dear Senator Feinstein: “Good news. We’re saved. Myra, a little green woman from the planet Menopause, has appeared in my living room. She can use her technologically advanced powers and abilities to prove that Dr. Blasey Ford’s allegations are true. Sincerely yours, Sondra Lear, Ph.D. PS Since I am a feminist science fiction scholar, I can unequivocally state that Myra from Menopause is the real deal.” Senator Feinstein responded by inviting Myra and Sondra to attend the Senate Judiciary Committee hearing.

“Myra, we’re off to Washington. Since I live in Manhattan, I don’t have a car. Do you want to take a plane or Amtrak?”

“I prefer teleporting. Here, eat this. It contains a substance which will enable you to participate in the Menopausian teleportation process.” Myra handed Sondra a bagel containing lox and a cream cheese schmear.

“This is delicious. One bite has changed my mind about how decent bagels are only available in New York.”

“Menopausian expertise extends to cooking.”  As soon as Sondra ingested the last bagel molecule, she and Myra materialized in the Judiciary Committee hearing room. Trump immediately addressed the nation to state that an extraterrestrial was in the Capitol Building.

“This is huge, folks,” bellowed Trump. “A little green woman has landed in Washington. This is not fake news. Just what I needed. Another alien. I have enough trouble with the Mexicans. Can ICE go after an alien from another planet? Even worse, this alien woman is not   young and hot. She’s here to defend Dr. Chirstine Blasey Ford. Fine. Ford deserves to be heard.”

The eyes of the world were on Dr. Blasey Ford as she described how Kavanaugh attempted to rape her. Myra matter of factly deployed her time machine and played a tape of the sexual assault in action.

“Don’t believe the effort to rape you’re seeing,” announced Trump. “Kavanaugh is a conservative white male. Kavanaugh denies that the assault happened. Kavanaugh is telling the truth. Me too. I never grabbed pussies. I believe that a little green extraterrestrial woman has landed. I don’t believe Blasey Ford. My inauguration crowd size was bigger than Obama’s.”

Kavanaugh was confirmed.

Myra and Sondra teleported back to Manhattan. Sondra was inconsolable. “Not to worry,” said Myra. “No Menopausian worth her salt bagel would take this atrocious travesty of justice, this patriarchal boot stomping on women’s bodies, lying down.” Myra snapped her little green fingers. Trump, Kavanaugh, and Clarence Thomas were transported to a Menopausian jail. They spent the rest of their lives undergoing sexual perversion rehabilitation therapy. She then sent the following letter to Senator Feinstein: “Dear Senator Feinstein, It was lovely to meet you in Washington. Please know that Menopausians have super powers on Earth. I have more power in my little green finger than America’s military industrial complex. In short, what I say goes. And I say this: lawyers Hillary Rodham Clinton and Anita Hill will immediately be appointed as Supreme Court Justices. America’s Constitution will be amended to allow Barack Obama to become president immediately if not sooner. With kind regards, Myra.”

All of Myra’s demands were met. American women lived happily ever after. After green skin makeup became all the rage, racism was assuaged.

“My work here is done,” said Myra. “I’m heading back to Menopause. Menopausians will be glad to hear that a New Yorker likes our bagels.”

“Before you go, I have one request. Can I please keep my ability to teleport? The New York subway is getting worse by the day.”

“No problem. Bye now,” said Myra as she dematerialized.

The act of sending Trump, Kavanaugh, and Thomas to Menopause was celebrated as a new national holiday. President Obama decreed that Good Riddance Day would take place the first Monday after Presidents’ Day.