UberOLD

Published 8y ago - Murray

This is not criticism. It’s an opportunity. We’re sure you’re aware of the senior citizens complaining about the Uber app. They’re in news reports whining your interface is confusing. Proof, they say, of insular Silicon-Valley thinking and youth-cultur... More »

Restructure Your Way to Happiness: How to Cope with Social Anxiety and Depression

Published 8y ago - Nick Lotz

Hello, and thank you for reading, Dr. Worzelwort’s Guide to Coping with Social Anxiety and Depression. This book uses a technique cultivated by the revered psychiatrist Dr. Aaron Beck. It’s known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (hereafter referred to as CB... More »

Your Driverless Car: 2017 FAQ

Published 8y ago - Elaine Kendall

Welcome to JUPITER, and the incredible luxury of autonomous driving! Take a nap for the entire trip; eat, drink (not to excess, because JUPITER has an electronic breathalyzer and will report you). Relax or work; call your mother, warm up a pizza, pour your c... More »

An Ode to President Trump on the Occasion of His Inauguration

Published 8y ago - Catherine Harnett

By Catherine Harnett 20 January 2017 You will make America Great Again! The poet of tweets, master hash-tagger. The giver of speeches, the riler-upper of crowds The hider of taxes, the slapper of tariffs, the grabber of pussies; the keeper of Tic-Tacs, just in... More »

Trump Mulls Santa Replacement After St. Nick’s Mysterious Death

Published 8y ago - admin

President-elect Trump Considering Bernie Sanders or Donald Trump for Santa Post By Phineas Lambert 16 January 2017 NEW YORK – The world was stunned this week when soon-to-be President, Donald Trump, announced he would take the lead on selecting a new San... More »

Top Ten Unanswered Requests Sent By Certified Mail To My Slumlord Who Claims To Have No Email Address

Published 8y ago - Tracy Strauss

By Tracy Strauss January 14, 2017 #1: July 1, 2016. I request that you reimburse me for having to purchase, upon move-in, a working carbon monoxide detector, three tubes of Super Glue to fix the broken toilet, two bottles of Drano Snake Plus Tool + Gel System ... More »

Trump: The First Forty-Eight Hours

Published 8y ago - Donald N.S. Unger

By Donald N.S. Unger 8 January 2017 Friday, 20 January 2017, Noon Donald J. Trump parachuted, from his helicopter, onto the daïs at today’s inauguration, with a pair of underpants on his head—royal blue boxers, with the Trump logo in gold threads—disloc... More »

U.S. Establishes Ministry of Truth to Combat Fake News

Published 8y ago - Dan Geddes

By Dan Geddes WASHINGTON – In response to the growing epidemic of “fake news,” President Obama today announced the creation of a new department of the federal government, the Ministry of Truth. “As a Constitutional scholar, I can assure you that the Fo... More »

The Satirist

January 2017